7. Gambling

“By gaming we lose both our time and treasure: two things most precious to the life of man” – Owen Feltham

Throughout my life I’ve gambled with my health, my relationships and my life in general, but one of the most destructive gambles I’ve been involved with was money.  

Have your five a day…

It all started with fruit machines (slot machines) in the local pubs, my friends played, I played and even my brother played.  

We were obsessed with these things, the odds were stacked right up against you, the payouts were low in the late 90’s and one of us would end up winning the money their friends just lost, some may call us crazy, and they wouldn’t be wrong.

These machines would be in almost every pub you would walk in to, the first thing one of us would do is go over to the machine and drop in a pound. We did this so we could listen to what the coin did, if the coin dropped but didn’t fall to the bottom then the machine wasn’t ready to pay out, if the coin fell all the way to the bottom and landed in a pile of coins, the machine was full and was due to pay soon.

In the beginning I would spend £10 to £20 and if nothing was won, I’d just walk away and shrug it off. But the thing with gambling isn’t the cash you win, but the rush of winning. You quickly forget the amount of money you’ve dropped in the machine when the lights flash, the music plays and the most wonderful sound of coins falling into the tray rings out, this is where the true addiction begins.

Like all addictions, your brain becomes desensitised to the rush and as such you must make bigger bets for bigger rewards, and risk bigger loses.

Feeding the Demon…

It all started to escalate when I was in my early 20’s, I was forced to move back in with my parents in Manchester after a relationship went bad (this will be covered in another article). The last thing I wanted to do after work was to go home, so I’d go to the local pub and have a few pints. Unfortunately I wasn’t there for the pints, I was there for the fruit machines.

I’d buy a pint and ask for the change in £1 coins so I could use them on the machine, as soon as I started running low on coins I’d down my pint and buy another asking for the change in £1 coins again. This would continue until I either ran out of money, or I won the jackpot, and got my necessary rush. If I did win, I’d proceed to the bar and exchange the £1 coins for notes. In the early days of this, it would be home time after I won or lost the money. Later down the road however, the win would mean a trip to another pub for a new machine.

Funding the habit…

As the desperation to win got bigger, I’d ignore my own rules, I no longer cared about the noise of the coins dropping, as long as I played. As I travelled from pub to pub searching for a win, I’d run out of money quickly to the point where most of my wage was being spent on gambling and drinking.

To fund this habit I started using my intelligence, effectively I opened up my own business in the place I worked. I started by creating my own fake invoices so I could take the cash with no paper trail back to me. I then got my own clients that would only ever ask for me so they could gain the products at a fraction of the price, everything came to me in cash, where I effectively tripled my wage. I became something of a double agent in work where I was very good at my job but also working the system to benefit me, and yes I regret this. This continued through various jobs where all that was required was to change how I got the money, I never did get caught.

Everything about fruit machines is designed to make you play, and pay you out as little as possible. I always knew this, but I was very reluctant to play any other games of actual chance, I guess I didn’t want to actually test my intelligence.

Bigger risks, bigger rewards…

I started working at a bookmakers in my late 20’s as an assistant manager, this got me into horse and dog racing. We weren’t supposed to bet in our own shop but we could always walk round the corner and place a bet in one of our competitors, this was a back and forward thing as their staff would come into ours. If I was working alone I could always slip cash and a betting slip to one of my regulars, who would place the bet for me. The bets on these were never large, £5 here and £10 there, I was also working 6-7 days a week with 13 hour days so cash was not really an issue.

Then I tried one of the fixed-odds betting terminals (FOBTs) playing roulette…

To be clear these machines are pure chance, they don’t work on an algorithm of when they should pay, if you choose a number on the roulette wheel, the actual number it will fall on has been randomly chosen by the server.

I could actually watch people play and know if they had won or lost before they did, as the server would inform me just after they pressed the spin button, obviously they had to watch the graphical representation of the wheel spinning, but I did not.

The largest win I ever witnessed on those machines was for £6,800, it was one of my very regular customers, he was nice enough to tip me £100. On the flip side, the largest loss I witnessed, if you add up all loses over one day was another regular who was the owner of a Turkish restaurant, he lost just over £13,000. I had a chat with him later that day, where he filled out the documents to ban himself from all of our bookmakers, I believe this was the best course of action for him.

In these machines I could see the pattern, I could see how people were winning, and also the mistakes that caused people to lose. I started with a few small bets as I passed a bookies, and kept winning so I upped my game. Every morning before I opened the shop I would have to run a quick test on the machines, this would involve placing a £10 note into the machine and running a quick 50/50 bet that would return the £10 (an inbuilt test mode). But rather than just do this, I would place my own £50 into one of the machines, look at the history and bet on either red or black. Obviously this was not guaranteed and I did lose sometimes, but more often I would win.

As I got used to playing these games in the mornings I would often go to the bookies round the corner and play properly. My losses were never over £100 as I would stop, but my winnings sometimes could be up to £1000, it became quite lucrative and very addictive. Due to the hours I worked it was difficult to feed the habit, as the local bookies all closed when we did, I would eventually have to find another way.

Low roller…

As I moved into bar work be it managing, supervising or a cellar man, I was in Manchester city centre with access to more interesting ways to gamble. It all started at the Grosvenor Casino on George Street.

This was the first but certainly not the last casino I joined, it was a whole new world to me. These places are designed to keep you in, free soft drinks, free food, back then ashtrays at the tables and staff that would happily run to the bar for you.

My games of choice were always roulette, blackjack and poker; but foremost roulette. I think I enjoyed roulette more because I could see the past results and there I could see patterns and variables.

I remember my first game vividly, I stood at the table for about an hour just playing small £2 bets on random numbers so I wasn’t asked to leave the table. I wasn’t there to win with these bets, but to watch everyone else play. I watched the people and I watched the previous results boards on all the tables around me, whilst trying to look for order in the chaos.

One of the biggest failure points in casinos are the dealers, this is why dealers are changed consistently to prevent patterns emerging, but you can’t forcibly change the players. It may sound cliche but some people do have a lucky streak, not because they’re actually lucky, but they either know what they’re doing or they’re unconsciously following patterns. I’d lost about £30 until I made my first real bet.

I planted £10 on top of a large pile of chips on one number a guy that I’d been following played, it came in at 35 to 1. I won £350 plus my stake back on one hand, the guy actually high fived me over the table and stated ‘you followed me’, I just smiled, thanked him and collected my chips, I was hooked.

Sign here please…

I signed up to four different casinos, but my original casino was the one where I was greeted by name as I walked in and was offered free restaurant meals with my guests. What tasted so sweet to begin with turned so bitter due to drink. As with the fruit machines, I stopped following my own rules and just played for the sake of playing; each card hand, each turn of the roulette wheel and each chip I placed down was to get the rush, nothing was calculated, as I was always drinking.

There was one night in the Grosvenor Casino in Chinatown, Manchester where I was playing Poker, if you’ve ever played you’ll know there’s an extra place on the table to put a chip so you can win big if you get a good hand. I was being topped up with beers constantly by the staff, as I played away and was losing quite consistently.

Then it happened, a straight flush with the extra chip down. As soon as I tilted my cards up the people watching behind me started getting all excited and pointing. The dealer looked at me and smiled as it was obvious I had something. The odds for that hand were 50 to 1 if memory serves me, and I’d placed a bet of £20 with the bonus chip. I was now being patted on the back by a lot of people and I’d finally got my bigger win, but this is where I always overindulge.

I was in and out of 4 different casinos at this point and consistently losing as I just couldn’t stay sober, and use my original rules. At a point in my early 30’s the situation had gotten so bad it was becoming apparent to those who didn’t know, and I didn’t want them to know.

I was in the Hard Rock Casino at the Printworks in Manchester, it was a usual Saturday night where I was winning and losing but gaining no ground. I swapped tables as I couldn’t focus, due to a rather flirtatious guy who wouldn’t stop chatting to me (these situations will be covered in another article).

I finally had a moment of clarity, I slowed down and started paying attention to where the wins were overtaking the losses. After an hour or so I was about £3000 up where, in another moment of clarity, I decided to take my winnings and leave which, after so much alcohol, was very uncharacteristic.

I contacted an old associate who lived just outside the city centre on my way home to ask if I could go and see him, he agreed. As I walked down the Princess Park Way a car pulled up next to me, it was one of my oldest friends who’s a detective in the Manchester Police. He was asking me if I wanted a lift but I told him I was meeting someone, and I couldn’t help it, I showed him the stack of cash in my pocket. He offered to take the money as he could see I was drunk, he’d give it back to me the day after; but I refused, I was actually unemployed at the time so this move made almost no sense, but I had a plan.

I met with my associate and asked him to make some calls, I wanted to buy some produce that would triple my money. He confirmed that a deal was on the table but something was not quite right, this was one of the dealings I had with Manchester gangsters, but not the last.

I kept asking ‘where is he?’, and all I got was ‘he’s on his way’. Something was off and I felt suddenly vulnerable, I had £3000 in my pocket and I was drunk. I decided to go for a smoke outside to make a phone call, which was for a taxi, I needed to leave. The associate tried to get me back inside to talk about the product and what I needed, but I had to run. The taxi turned up outside and he ran over to tell the taxi driver it wasn’t necessary, I ran over and told him it was. We ended up having a very untruthful conversation as he tried to explain I needed to stay as ‘friends’ were coming, and me knowing that I was about to be extorted (I will deal with my relationship with gangsters in another article).   

I was very nervous at this point as I travelled back to Manchester city centre, and I did the most stupid thing I’ve ever done, I went back to the casino. It was a safe space and I needed that, but unfortunately I could no longer concentrate or focus so I managed to lose the £3000 in about an hour.

I stopped gambling after this point, it was one of the most traumatic experiences I’ve had. I finally used my intelligence to get past the drink, the drugs and just realise it was never worth it (the drink and drugs will be covered in another article).  

My Emotions

I needed that endorphin hit, I needed to win. I have a very addictive nature where I can become obsessed with a situation. This is both a blessing and a curse, I’m addicted to nicotine, alcohol, gambling and drugs, but I’m also very good at whatever job I have, as I’m addicted to proving how good I am.

What would I change?

I unfortunately worked in fields that led to a gambling and drinking culture, I tried my hardest to stop working in those environments. There were many friends who also gambled, in hindsight I would of hung around with friends who had no interest in gambling. A gambler is very antisocial as they want to concentrate on the game and not on their friends. I can now walk into a casino and spend £10, if I lose, I walk away. I haven’t touched a fruit machine in years, and I doubt I ever will.

Any Advice?

I implore you to please speak to someone professional if you show the symptoms of a gambling addiction. You will never be able to gain the reward that your brain so recklessly desires. In the short term, you will lose all your money, in the long term you can lose yourself, and your ability to function as a productive human being. If you have the addictive nature that I do, then use that addictive nature to better yourself, prove yourself and show people that you are worth their time.