3. Teaching Assistant Goes too Far

“Better than a thousand days of diligent study is one day with a great teacher.” – Japanese Proverb

When I began high school my parents were already paying towards a holiday to Greece with the school. Various teachers and students were booked to go away for a week, my brother included. This was at the time before the bullying had kicked in so I was relatively happy about going on this trip with sun, sea and sand for a week without my parents. There was however, one other significant issue with this trip.

This is just creepy…

A teaching assistant at the school had shown an interest in me from very early on, as in he knew my name, he always tried to talk to me and he would always separate me from my friends. At first it seemed harmless enough, but after a couple of months I was finding excuses to not walk near the block he worked or even rush out of the block if I had lessons there. When he did get hold of me, it was still so he could chat with me about innocuous things, but now he would always put his arm around me, it was noticed by many of the kids and would cause them to walk away quickly.

Up, up and away…

I hadn’t realised until two days before the holiday that this teaching assistant would be coming with us, I spent the next couple of days locked away in my bedroom. My father came to talk to me as my parents were worried about my sudden isolation, I told him what had been happening and he told me it will be sorted. The morning of the holiday, my father drove my brother and me to the school where we were told to wait in the van. My father apparently went and spoke to some of the teachers and informed them that if the teaching assistant laid one more hand on me, he would remove said hand. The teachers informed my father that they understood his concerns and that I would be safe, ever the professionals at my school, they informed the teaching assistant of what had transpired.

Well this is awkward…

I was in the room I shared with two other kids in my form at school unpacking, and the teaching assistant walked in to check on us, he turned to the other two kids and said ‘can you go outside please I want to talk (to me)’. He closed the door and looked at me, he just came over and asked ‘why did you tell your parents about me? Why couldn’t you talk to me yourself?’ He made me feel guilty and ashamed that I’d said things about him. He told me that he was disappointed, but he forgave me, and if I needed anything I should go straight to him.

Pieces of eight…

There was only one other incident that happened during that holiday with him, and that was an event that led me to be left behind in the sea treading water (everyone was playing pirates), as a pedalo I was on, was hijacked and moved away. It actually became quite amusing as the pirate game turned into Baywatch, the kids took the opportunity to rescue me as I was struggling. The kids were literally shouting ‘baywatch’ and jumping into the sea to come and get me.

Unfortunately, I did suffer a lot of sunburn and was in quite a lot of pain after that day, my brother (he will get his own article, promise) took the opportunity to slap me on the back. It hurt a lot and it did bring me to tears, the assistant teacher on finding out about this, grabbed my brother and gave him a huge slap on the back. My brother was then grounded in the hotel for a day, where he threatened to get on a pedalo and go home.

On returning back to school the pictures from the trip were posted out on a large billboard, the teaching assistant was the photographer. Most people noted that there were a lot of pictures of me in the sea, on pedalos and on a windsurf.

Being singled out…

As the years went on the unwelcome attention did not abate, he now had a new way to single me out though, searching me for cigarettes and finding them. I guess I was paying for saying something to my parents. I couldn’t tell you how many times he found them but he would pull me out of a crowd, drag me into an empty classroom and search me, yes, physically search me. It was never anything sexual but he would get me to take off my coat and then he would pat me down, all over my torso, arms and then down my legs to my socks.

It then also transpired that he was watching from the block he worked in, at break time, through binoculars at where I was in the huge playing field, he would see some suspicious behaviour from me, then grab me as we all walked back. The other kids were doing all the same but it was always me who got singled out.

I was 15 when he caught me for the last time as I was leaving a detention for the very thing I was again being singled out for. He found 20 cigarettes and a zippo lighter on me and confiscated them both. I turned to him on that day and asked him if he knew what he was doing, he simply stated ‘I’m doing my job’. I then had to explain that everytime he did this and caught me, I had to go home to a stressed out family they had phoned. I was hit, smacked and grounded each time he did this and was making my life a misery.

He never checked me for cigarettes again.

In your face…

When I turned 16 (legally allowed to smoke) I had an opportunity, I spoke to my Mother about the zippo lighter he took when I was 15 and she wrote a note demanding that he hand it back to me, as I knew without the note they would refuse. I stood there in his little office whilst he rummaged for it, when he handed it to me I looked at him and felt such relief. This man could never manipulate or punish me again.

My Emotions

As you can imagine, this left me emotionally scarred and left me with a deep distrust of people in power. If someone so low in the order of things could be allowed to systematically single a child out, and behave this way, then what chance did I have? I was always scared of him and always tried to avoid him, but he always seemed to be there.

What would I change?

I honestly don’t think there was anything I would change personally; I was small, I was cute looking and there was a sense of vulnerability about me. And why should I change for someone like that? Why should I have to make alterations when it’s someone else’s problem.

Any Advice?

Yes, in a grooming scenario such as this, in the first instance you need to tell someone of authority that you trust, like your parents. You must tell them unless your own family life conflicts with this. In that scenario, grab a teacher you have a connection with and ask for a chat, inform them of your worries and your feelings. If you don’t have access to a teacher you trust, then speak with a professional group such as ‘Childline’ in the UK and let them know what is happening. If needs must, you should go to the police who can contact the relevant social service offices to get you the help you need. No child should feel vulnerable, and should certainly not feel scared about being around an adult stranger who is in a position of power. I would also suggest that if someone is touching you, standing too close to you then tell them, there can be nothing more grounding to someone if you just state ‘can you not do that please’. They have no grounds to argue against that.